This seems to be a hot topic for readers here - I thought I would explain my own reasoning on the issue. I didn’t include it in the last piece because it was already too long. But rather than explain it in the comments, I thought I would offer up a longer explanation here.
In my last piece I referred to Audrey Hale as a “he” but Lia Thomas as a “she.” For the former, that’s an easy call. She was Audrey for most of her time alive, even just before the killing. Aiden was her secret self. She is a she to me and all that goes along with it. I would never, could never in good conscious call her a “he.”
When a biological male assaults a woman or, say, puts on big fake breasts in front of mostly young men in Canada, again, easy call - a “he.” My brain always thinks in terms of biological sex. I will admit that there are some transgender people who fool me.
In my younger days, we divided them as “transsexual” and “transvestite.” One was about medical intervention and one was about sexual fetish.
“Transgender” is a relatively new thing and has, I think, a sketchy history. I think Big Pharma is taking advantage of vulnerable kids and everything that goes along with gender-affirming care is, to me, dangerous and cruel.
So when I am confronted with someone who demands I use the preferred pronoun I will refuse to obey those commands. Firing people for using the wrong pronouns is WRONG. Demanding anyone go along with their ideology, their belief system, their reality is WRONG.
However, I choose to use preferred pronouns in certain situations to protect people I care about and to keep the communication line open with people outside the echo chamber of the Right. It is, to me, a compromise.
If I called Lia Thomas a “he” that makes most people on the Right feel better because that is what they believe. But it immediately stops the conversation anywhere else. You are labeled a “far right bigot” and that’s the end of the it. That makes it easy for others to dismiss everything else you are saying, though I imagine that’s also true on the Right, once you use a preferred pronoun they write you off too.
It’s like the word “woke.” If you use it many on the Left will engage in a long struggle session about the word. If I use it on my website about film and the Oscars, the ONLY thing people will discuss is the word. As such, I wouldn’t use it if there was a better one, but there isn’t.
Here is an interesting conversation with Megyn Kelly and Posey Parker about this very issue. Parker is a hard-liner, what they would call a TERF.
I listen to another podcast called Terfs and Trannys where one of them is a trans female (bio male) and one is a woman like Parker. A hard-liner. Their conversations are very interesting and the transgender person, Corinna Cohn, is out there speaking out against gender-affirming care on minors.
I was once a young person working in the box office of a local theater. We were angry about pay and were planning to unionize. I had written a long angry letter to give to our boss and was stopped by the receptionist, a 70 year-old Black woman who said to me, “you know, you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.”
Even though I am more a vinegar kind of person, I also took her words to heart. I would rather not be someone people can write off easily. I think for myself and I do what I feel is right in the moment.
A bit of history from my perspective. I had no idea any of this was going on until around 2015. I was a progressive liberal who was “woke,” as far as it went. I have been close to gay men my entire life and one of my best friends is a gay man.
My daughter went to what my nephew called a “social justice military academy.” Her first year at the school was the most depressed she’s ever been because of a class based on Critical Race Theory where they singled out white kids and told them they weren’t invited to the discussion. High school is already hard enough and all of that was messing with their heads. That was when I noticed something going on.
My daughter’s best friend was a biological female who was now transitioning as a male. That was my first encounter with this new way of speaking and thinking. It had just been spreading online without many of us having any clue about any of it. My daughter referred to this person by her/his/their boy’s name and used those pronouns.
I argued with her about this for a while. Eventually that person did fully transition and is apparently happy. My daughter would get upset every time I brought it up and the ONLY thing that matters to me more than being alive is my relationship with her. Using pronouns was an easy way for me to preserve that relationship.
Their belief in this new religion isn’t going to be shaken by people who refuse to use pronouns. They are as devout as any other religious person.
I noticed many of her friends in high school were afflicted with something - depression, anxiety, eating disorder and that many of them simply opted for being nonbinary or trans as a way of becoming something other than the “oppressor.”
When my daughter went to college, her best friend was, again, a biological female transitioning to male and one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Although it remains hard for me to say “he” if I am in a situation where I must, I will. I do this because of my daughter’s feelings and the feelings of her friend.
She moved into a roommate situation and her adult roommates, one of them a boy she had a crush on in high school, began to transition. By the time she moved out, three of them were using either the opposite pronoun or they/them. One of them went on drugs to become female. Another almost started taking testosterone but stopped.
People of her generation are, on their own, starting to realize the dangers of these medicines. Not because they are listening to people on the Right go after Dylan Mulvaney (if anything, that would make them double down) but because they are seeing the health effects and are slowly backing off.
Those who know me from the way I used to be want so badly to write me off as a “Trump supporting bigot.” They are just waiting for any chance to do that. I can only do what I think is right. I think a lot of people are in my same position they just don’t know what to do about it. And frankly, I don’t either.
The bottom line for me is that the pronoun thing isn’t the hill I choose to die on. I see it more from a personal perspective than a political one. It’s not worth it to me to wreck my daughter’s trust and faith in me as an ally.
Gender-affirming care, women’s sports - those are issues I believe are worth fighting for. I prefer to fight FOR women rather than against trans people.
An important inference from your column: those of us who are now "conservatives" seem to place more value on relationships than do "liberals". I have seen this over and over and over again. Most of my siblings are liberal, and they easily jettisoned our relationship when I wouldn't prostrate myself to their ideologies. Todays' liberals are a very angry bunch.
I hope your daughter, as she matures, allows you some of the grace you are allowing her.
I understand your heart in this situation, but it is emotional blackmail. I am in a similar situation. I will use people’s preferred names, but not deny the truth of biology. God made humans male and female. It is a marxist mind-screw to undermine the very fabric of society. We are enabling mental-illness.
A message to all who are struggling with selfhood. I care about your character, not your colour, I care about your reason, not your race, I care about your genius, not your gender, I care about your ethics, not your equity. Character, not characteristics define a human being, and today our character has become a collage of the collective, of labels, of identities, of postures, of approvals. It is so very hard in life to discover and nurture your 'self', to try, test and trust a set of values by which you can productively interact with others, to be alive and thrive. But when you outsource that process, when you let others define you, especially your gender, in trade for acceptance, for membership in the 'clan', you slip from Self to Serf. You are owned by an identity, not your individuality. And history is replete with examples of serfdom in all its torturous and inhuman forms. And every human being throughout history has gone through the torturous journey of determining who we are and how we will act. Think for your self, do not let others define you, BUT do not think that you can force me to accept your "identity" or gender as some sort of proxy for character. Your freedom of expression is not a license to oppress others or to cancel and harm others such that you become the oppressor, not the oppressed. Freedom to express also implies freedom to reject. Oppression is what you let happen, Opportunity is what you make happen, and character, not characteristics define a human being.
I agree with the one of the videos you showed, when Kellie-Jay says it's like a gateway drug. Under the oft-used guise of being inclusive, when we accept the pronoun game we are telling our children, truth doesn't matter. The best thing in life is that people like us, regardless of the terms.
We have to make a stand somewhere, we've been choosing 'not to die on enough hills' for too long! And what do we have, half the nation along with almost all our institutions in complete denial of the truth in front of us. The biggest of these truths being that our collective mental health, especially of our young, is hanging by a thread.
Just look at all age group suicide rates, look at all the mass shootings, look how we are supposed to believe that all of the sudden every fourth child wants to be the opposite sex (something never seen anywhere in history), look at how many just blindly accepted that natural immunity doesn't mean anything anymore, that masking children was a good thing, that an unproven vaccine as one size fits all makes sense. All of these things points to giant mental health problems.
So, let's die on this hill, let's be clear that you don't own the English language and by the way, pronouns are most often used when you are not around, I thought you were against anything resembling tyranny?!?, But most of all truth matters. Children need to understand, truth matters, even if it hurts feelings.
To me when to use preferred pronouns is like the difference between “bullshit” and “lies”; the former is false but highly unlikely to harm anyone; the latter is false and is either intended to harm or is negligent about harm. In my view, using preferred pronouns with adults is not likely to harm but using opposite to their sex with kids is at best negligent about the harm it could have on them.
The words "male" and "female" are biological terms that apply to all species in which there are two sexes. No one can transition from male to female or vice versa, and I do not refer to trans women as "female" or trans men as "male."
People can obviously choose to live as the other sex if they want to do so. Most of them do want to look like the preferred sex to the point that other people can't discern their true sex. More recently, many have gone farther by changing the biological sex recorded on their birth certificates. For trans people, the reason why puberty is such a big issue is that it makes their true sex progressively and irreversibly more obvious.
The words "man" and "woman" are synonyms for biological sex in human beings. If we change the meaning of these terms to include people who are pretending to be other than the sex they are, we are making a massive accommodation to a tiny fraction of the population. This accommodation is not new, however, as many (but not all) people in many (but not all) cultures have to varying degrees tolerated trans people identifying themselves publicly as the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, "trans activists," most of whom are males and many of whom behave like narcissists, are insisting that everyone call them "women" when they are not living as women and have not changed their bodies. They abuse biological females living as women as well as opening the door for other narcissistic and sociopathic males to do likewise. These activists are destroying the good will that an increasing number of Americans were extending to trans people in general.
I have no problem at all using preferred pronouns when referring to people who have transitioned and want to be accepted by others in our culture. This is a two way street, however. Trans people have to accommodate to us as well, and make a good faith effort to be constructive and ethical towards people who are normally gendered. I refuse to use preferred pronouns in reference to people like Lia Thomas, rapists, etc., who are trampling on women's and children's rights. I would note that the overwhelming majority of these abusive individuals are males, and they are behaving as abusive males towards biological females, whom they apparently hate. The element of envious rage is an obvious motivator here.
I respectfully and whole heartedly disagree with you. You are denying God and not respecting Him when you use a pronoun that affirms a gender God did not give them. You are aiding their delusion and helping them walk down the path to perdition. You say the most important thing in your life is to get along with your daughter. While that is important the most important relationship is the one you have with God.
I came up with a compromise - I added him/her or he/she to the piece about Thomas. That seems the best way to indicate one is speaking of a "trans-identified" person.
I totally can identify with your struggle when dealing with your daughter. I am in a similar situation and am often torn between wanting to sit with her to try to point out the frightening issues of this whole transgender trend and realizing that we are confronting a much bigger beast of ideology and indoctrination. I appreciate your thoughts on this situation
"In my last piece I referred to Audrey Hale as a “he” but Lia Thomas as a “she.” .... I would never, could never in good conscious call her a “he.”"
I'm confused. Is there a typo in this paragraph? You start by saying you referred to Audrey as a he, and conclude in saying you could never call Audrey a he.
"However, I choose to use preferred pronouns in certain situations to protect people I care about and to keep the communication line open with people outside the echo chamber of the Right. It is, to me, a compromise."
...and is entirely your prerogative.
Such is an option everyone ought to be able to exercise without adverse consequence, one way or the other.
This reminds me of the eating disorders that were prevalent among girls my age in the 80's. I never lost enough weight to endanger myself. But boy did I HATE my curvy, young body. Hot by today's standards. Back then I kept getting called "fatso," "porker," "lady de lardo," and "fat b*tch" by my peers. Older women told me, "If you'd only quit eating and get down to a size five some guy might love you. No man ever fell in love with a fatty. You'll never get married unless you lose a lot of weight. You can never be too thin or too rich."
But no doctors urged normal weight girls to get liposuction or gastric bypass. If they had gotten their act together with commercials, propaganda campaigns, etc. I bet they could really have cashed in. Which is all doctors care about.
I made the joke that if I had to pick a pronoun, I would pick "you."
This might be fun when they talk about me when I'm not present.
"Did you see Jonah? I told you to be more prompt with the TPS reports."
"What? I don't write the TPS reports."
"Not you. Jonah. I told you to be prompt with the TPS reports."
"No you didn't."
But more seriously....
I have to side with Jordan Peterson that this is ultimately a very diabolical method of speech control. Worse, contributing to the delusion.
I've seen more young people transitioning. This distresses me. I was a transvestite for many years. I weighed transitioning, but decided I valued my good health too much to play dice with my body. So I just opted for the costume, and I am grateful today for that decision.
I have yet to have someone actually close to me go down this rabbit hole. I hope I'm up to that challenge when it comes.
So off went the Emperor in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, "Oh, how fine are the Emperor's new clothes! Don't they fit him to perfection? And see his long train!" Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No costume the Emperor had worn before was ever such a complete success.
"But he hasn't got anything on," a little child said.
"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "He hasn't anything on. A child says he hasn't anything on."
"But he hasn't got anything on!" the whole town cried out at last.
The Emperor shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all.
Sasha, thanks for a thoughtful piece. More nuance than we hear from the activists.
I haven’t read widely on the topic of youth gender questioning and transition, but I believe that the recent increase is much higher among girls than boys. Yet almost all the media attention is on the men transitioning to women. Aside from Chaz Bono many years ago, name one famous female to male transitioner.
There seems to be a disconnect between what is publicized and celebrated, and what is actually going on.
I worry about all new converts. Trumpets are as mentally clouded as the leftist aocs. I lean republican cause they say they'll are fiscally better then the other side. In reality it's a uniparty that is only about increasing the size of the levitation. Just look at the lack of fight to fix social security and Medicare. Also follow military spending when on side is in. Only ever goes up. Eisenhower was correct all those years ago. My advice is watch movies, love your daughter, travel and keep up your growth on not needing a side. U have tons of talent. Would love if u called reason magazine or Cato. Maybe a collaboration would be fruitful to u. I give to both. True libertarians really need voices like yours, Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson etc. Without u we are impotent. Keep charging forward. I live your work. Thnx.
I believe everyone has a right to be happy. And using the “proper pronouns” is a hill I don’t want to die on. To each their own. But at the same time, I will not be forced to speak their speak if I don’t want to. They don’t own the language.
Sadly, you're being emotionally blackmailed with the "correct" pronoun fiction. While you may care about maintaining a relationship with these 'friends', they will cut you off the second you fail to comply with their ideology. Is it really worth trying to hang on to people and relationships like that? I've stopped reading certain news outlets because of their pronoun policies. It's a biological impossibility for a person to 'transition' into the other sex. If they can lie about that, what else are they lying about?
Each one of us has a role to play in where this goes, if we so choose. Our children are grown, but if I had a child trying to work through this, I would do as you're doing to protect your daughter. But we need all of us and some of us need to set a very clear boundary (be the vinegar) so we don't lose ourselves in a lie. I've been around a few trannies and in personal conversation I would use "she" and that was my personal choice, but if somebody got nasty and insisted I say certain words as happens today, that would have ended interaction. If I'm in public and if children are around, I'm going to use the correct sex pronoun. Kids have already been confused and damaged enough by older generations and their fetishes. Then there's conversation that is contrary to science. Drugs may alter an appearance to make someone look more like the opposite sex, but the person will not "become" the opposite sex. Since your column is for adults it doesn't really matter (in my opinion) how you use the language, as long as I understand what you're saying. We're all fighting for a decent future for our children. Keep up the great work!
What is happening in the culture is ideological warfare and whoever controls the language wins the day. Pronoun misuse, whether by yourself or others is a sort of semantic pollution. If enough of this pollution is inhaled, otherwise intellegent people will begin to accept it. We need fresh air and need to call out those who are subverting the language.
I thought your April 14th column was another great one…and I wanted to comment on how I thought your analogy regarding the treatment of Audrey Hale as a female victim rather than a white male perp (when that was her chosen identity) was spot on! It didn’t fit the narrative, it was inconvenient, and therefore, for purposes of their discussion of the event, the angry white “he” reverted to a victimized “she.” I also wanted to respectfully question your usage of pronouns in the column...and apparently I wasn’t the only one as your column today is addressing that very issue.
As for today’s column, the part that stood out to me was your concern that calling Lia Thomas a “he” would stop the conversation and you would be tabled a “far right bigot.” Sasha, isn’t that the gun they’re holding to all of our heads? If we don’t comply with this or that "dictate du jour,” then we become persona non grata and are cancelled! They refuse to discuss the issue, they take their ball and go home all the while calling us names, or...they become violent as they did with Riley Gaines. And here’s the thing, they’ll keep doing it as long as we allow them to do it. Don’t we owe our support to Riley Gaines and the others with her courage…shouldn’t we stand up to this mob along side Riley and the others rather than worrying about what names they might call us?
It is not disrespectful to be truthful…we can’t allow them to manipulate us that way. In the end, isn’t it a matter of choosing personal integrity over convenience?
Sasha, you made an important connection when you described your daughter’s experience with a Critical Race Theory class and your later theory that her friends have pivoted toward the trans experience so as not to be one of the “Oppressors”. I think they may be deeply related. Is is possible that the CRT “struggle sessions” happening all over the country in our public schools are driving kids to find a place to be shielded in some way from being shunned as oppressors? Maybe this is obvious and I’m just slow on the uptake, but I hadn’t connected those dots before. It would explain a lot of the appeal of “victimhood” and extreme activism that seems to be prevalent in high school/college level kids. Sounds like a really interesting area of inquiry.
Good points. We all have to choose where we want to draw the line. My point was informed by my thesis advisor at UBC when I was writing my first book. He is a journalist in Canada and a big Orwell guy, a serious stickler for the accuracy of words, the accuracy of their meanings, and how without that we would be lost when it comes time to decide what is true and what is reality. That's important to me. And it's important for free speech too imo
Sasha your fine. Never worry about being a libertarian. It's hard cause everyone hates u, but u get used to it. Using logic and common sense will only get u in trouble on both sides. Trust me. You are going in right direction for someone who loves art. Freedom is key. Your thoughts are yours and F. the man. As a punk skate loving guy from 80s California keep fighting the good fight. People are listening.
The fact that a large portion of your daughter’s friends are transitioning to the opposite sex should tell you something. This ideology is a disease that seems to be spreading fast. Not normal at all IMO. But I agree we need to tread lightly as these are young sensitive souls and we need to remain compassionate. Tricky situation for sure.
This issue is meant to tear us apart, and it's doing an excellent job. I like Libertarian's view of "BS vs. lies", but also, as a Christian, refuse to deny the truth: there are two genders, period. I am praying that we come out of this madness sooner rather than later, but we need to be prepared for the collateral damage that will remain, which is a whole confused, demoralized, lost generation. God help the perpetrators of this destructive ideology. I would not wish what they are facing when they stand before God on anyone.
In my office, the administration released a training video on how to treat transgender people. It is mandatory to watch as a condition of continuous employment. In the video, am employee Patricia becomes Patrick and demands that everyone starts using new pronouns immediately. When the manager - a white old male, of course, - and other older employees say that they need some time to adjust as this is new to them, Patrick gets angry, but then receives a recommendation from a co-worker to file a complaint. He calls or writes to the EEO office, and the manager is punished for discrimination and creating a hostile work environment. Patrick is praised as a hero. The moral of the story is you better get on board quickly or else.
Maybe politeness and compromises should not be employed by the other side either. As someone wrote here, it is a war. It is a war on reality. Just imagine for a second what would happen if we are defeated. Though I just noticed I have mixed up the pronouns in my story too lol.
“ If I called Lia Thomas a “he” that makes most people on the Right feel better because that is what they believe. But it immediately stops the conversation anywhere else. You are labeled a “far right bigot” and that’s the end of the it. “
I don’t know if this is true.
It’s certainly true about the left, but I suspect there’s a big ambivalent middle that is keeping quiet because they think it’s true.
I have a friend who shot his foot off to get sent home from Vietnam. His deployment into river boats forced him to watch people including children burn alive in the Napalm air strikes his boat called in. He transed to a woman shortly thereafter and I had and have no trouble using female pronouns referring to her.
This is a remarkably calm and reasoned presentation of your position on what we all know is an emotionally charged issue. I commend you for sharing, appreciate the candor, and, as always, marvel at your skill. There just ain't enough of what you do going around right now.
Thanks for this thoughtful piece. One compromise might be to just avoid the use of such pronouns altogether when talking with your daughter.
I felt some hope when I read this: “People of her generation are, on their own, starting to realize the dangers of these medicines.”
Rather than addressing the issue of transgenderism per se, perhaps just discuss (should it come up) the unknown dangers of relying on a lifetime of hormone therapies.
As for other parents, just taking your child out of such environments is perhaps the best call. Who paid for your child’s college?
I don’t know. Just spit-balling here. Thank you, Sasha, for openly discussing the dilemma this poses for many people.
The Woke busy aborting their babies and chemically castrating their kids will win Darwin Awards - problem solved as long as you protect your own kids from their insane indoctrination camps.
What many fail to point out is that these ‘mass shooters’ are on SSRIs and other drug treatment plans. They suffer from mental illness and are convinced that ‘gender affirmation’ is the answer. How about these medical professionals affirm their real issues and quit pretending gender is their problem.
I don’t think that the right going after Budweiser and Mulvaney is a reaction against transgender in it self. I’m sure they are some that don’t like transgender but I’m sure some they would respect the decision of the individual. The reason I think they are against that it’s the fact that they are pushing the Transgenderism down our throats when this group represents a very tiny representation of our society. Like Glen beck said it these companies are doing this to get their edge score higher. If we don’t push back they will just do it even more. At what point we say enough is enough. I’m a white woman who also was for gay rights and them being able to get married. I don’t mind transgender but don’t try to steal woman’s right that we’ve work so hard for to get where we are. I have a 5 year old and now I’m confronted to find a school that I hope won’t teach pronouns. I already need to have conversations with my son about gender and shows he watch on Netflix! It’s insanity out there.
THIS!!! This is all I really care about with regards to political opinions, info, & news.
You laid out a very clear, concise, & absolutely honest explanation regarding your views on a topic that (I’m guessing) you received some feedback for.
I enjoy your content more than any other program, podcast, etc. & I wasn’t sure why until reading this.
...because you’re honest, & true to “thine ownself.”
Thanks for sharing Sasha! I personally think if everyone worked as hard to not be offended, as they do to be offended we would all be better off. I choose not to participate in the nonsense but I try to treat everyone with love. That’s about all I can do. If someone chooses not to accept that, that’s their choice.
Disclaimer warning: those considering gender transition could develop a male habit of thinking about sex often, everyday, meanwhile also harboring a female perspective that being preoccupied with sex is not normal which may therefore prevent you from ever having what you new male persona wants more than anything you previously thought possible.
Ms Sasha, I think our Creator wired you properly. The man that gets to gaze into those lovely green eyes and have conversation with you daily is truly blessed.😍
I wouldn't think the preferred pronoun thing was a big deal IF it didn't have the insane baggage of treating a biological male as a legal female (sports / bathrooms / etc.). It's one thing to be supportive of one's feminine/masculine presentation. But the ideological baggage that's baked into today's expectations around pronouns is why I reject the "preferred usage" idiom.
There’s no “slippery slope” here. If someone politely expresses a wish to be he or she, then it’s polite to use it. Though not the end of the world if you fail. They need to get over “deadname” hysteria, and we need to get over pronoun obstinacy. Then we should start looking at real issues like competitive sport together.
I will use their requested name, but I will not use pronouns because I will not participate in their delusion. We are male or female in every cell of our body. It is biological. A sensitive boy is still a boy. A rowdy girl is still a girl. This is another avenue of cultural marxism that divides everything into oppressor vs oppressed. If you are a white person, if you go trans, then you move from the oppressor category to oppressed, and you are given accolades. I won't affirm a lie, although I will treat every human being as important and valuable because they are made in God's image..
On the Issue of Pronouns...
An important inference from your column: those of us who are now "conservatives" seem to place more value on relationships than do "liberals". I have seen this over and over and over again. Most of my siblings are liberal, and they easily jettisoned our relationship when I wouldn't prostrate myself to their ideologies. Todays' liberals are a very angry bunch.
I hope your daughter, as she matures, allows you some of the grace you are allowing her.
I understand your heart in this situation, but it is emotional blackmail. I am in a similar situation. I will use people’s preferred names, but not deny the truth of biology. God made humans male and female. It is a marxist mind-screw to undermine the very fabric of society. We are enabling mental-illness.
A message to all who are struggling with selfhood. I care about your character, not your colour, I care about your reason, not your race, I care about your genius, not your gender, I care about your ethics, not your equity. Character, not characteristics define a human being, and today our character has become a collage of the collective, of labels, of identities, of postures, of approvals. It is so very hard in life to discover and nurture your 'self', to try, test and trust a set of values by which you can productively interact with others, to be alive and thrive. But when you outsource that process, when you let others define you, especially your gender, in trade for acceptance, for membership in the 'clan', you slip from Self to Serf. You are owned by an identity, not your individuality. And history is replete with examples of serfdom in all its torturous and inhuman forms. And every human being throughout history has gone through the torturous journey of determining who we are and how we will act. Think for your self, do not let others define you, BUT do not think that you can force me to accept your "identity" or gender as some sort of proxy for character. Your freedom of expression is not a license to oppress others or to cancel and harm others such that you become the oppressor, not the oppressed. Freedom to express also implies freedom to reject. Oppression is what you let happen, Opportunity is what you make happen, and character, not characteristics define a human being.
I agree with the one of the videos you showed, when Kellie-Jay says it's like a gateway drug. Under the oft-used guise of being inclusive, when we accept the pronoun game we are telling our children, truth doesn't matter. The best thing in life is that people like us, regardless of the terms.
We have to make a stand somewhere, we've been choosing 'not to die on enough hills' for too long! And what do we have, half the nation along with almost all our institutions in complete denial of the truth in front of us. The biggest of these truths being that our collective mental health, especially of our young, is hanging by a thread.
Just look at all age group suicide rates, look at all the mass shootings, look how we are supposed to believe that all of the sudden every fourth child wants to be the opposite sex (something never seen anywhere in history), look at how many just blindly accepted that natural immunity doesn't mean anything anymore, that masking children was a good thing, that an unproven vaccine as one size fits all makes sense. All of these things points to giant mental health problems.
So, let's die on this hill, let's be clear that you don't own the English language and by the way, pronouns are most often used when you are not around, I thought you were against anything resembling tyranny?!?, But most of all truth matters. Children need to understand, truth matters, even if it hurts feelings.
Good article as always Sasha.
To me when to use preferred pronouns is like the difference between “bullshit” and “lies”; the former is false but highly unlikely to harm anyone; the latter is false and is either intended to harm or is negligent about harm. In my view, using preferred pronouns with adults is not likely to harm but using opposite to their sex with kids is at best negligent about the harm it could have on them.
The words "male" and "female" are biological terms that apply to all species in which there are two sexes. No one can transition from male to female or vice versa, and I do not refer to trans women as "female" or trans men as "male."
People can obviously choose to live as the other sex if they want to do so. Most of them do want to look like the preferred sex to the point that other people can't discern their true sex. More recently, many have gone farther by changing the biological sex recorded on their birth certificates. For trans people, the reason why puberty is such a big issue is that it makes their true sex progressively and irreversibly more obvious.
The words "man" and "woman" are synonyms for biological sex in human beings. If we change the meaning of these terms to include people who are pretending to be other than the sex they are, we are making a massive accommodation to a tiny fraction of the population. This accommodation is not new, however, as many (but not all) people in many (but not all) cultures have to varying degrees tolerated trans people identifying themselves publicly as the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, "trans activists," most of whom are males and many of whom behave like narcissists, are insisting that everyone call them "women" when they are not living as women and have not changed their bodies. They abuse biological females living as women as well as opening the door for other narcissistic and sociopathic males to do likewise. These activists are destroying the good will that an increasing number of Americans were extending to trans people in general.
I have no problem at all using preferred pronouns when referring to people who have transitioned and want to be accepted by others in our culture. This is a two way street, however. Trans people have to accommodate to us as well, and make a good faith effort to be constructive and ethical towards people who are normally gendered. I refuse to use preferred pronouns in reference to people like Lia Thomas, rapists, etc., who are trampling on women's and children's rights. I would note that the overwhelming majority of these abusive individuals are males, and they are behaving as abusive males towards biological females, whom they apparently hate. The element of envious rage is an obvious motivator here.
I respectfully and whole heartedly disagree with you. You are denying God and not respecting Him when you use a pronoun that affirms a gender God did not give them. You are aiding their delusion and helping them walk down the path to perdition. You say the most important thing in your life is to get along with your daughter. While that is important the most important relationship is the one you have with God.
I came up with a compromise - I added him/her or he/she to the piece about Thomas. That seems the best way to indicate one is speaking of a "trans-identified" person.
I totally can identify with your struggle when dealing with your daughter. I am in a similar situation and am often torn between wanting to sit with her to try to point out the frightening issues of this whole transgender trend and realizing that we are confronting a much bigger beast of ideology and indoctrination. I appreciate your thoughts on this situation
"In my last piece I referred to Audrey Hale as a “he” but Lia Thomas as a “she.” .... I would never, could never in good conscious call her a “he.”"
I'm confused. Is there a typo in this paragraph? You start by saying you referred to Audrey as a he, and conclude in saying you could never call Audrey a he.
"However, I choose to use preferred pronouns in certain situations to protect people I care about and to keep the communication line open with people outside the echo chamber of the Right. It is, to me, a compromise."
...and is entirely your prerogative.
Such is an option everyone ought to be able to exercise without adverse consequence, one way or the other.
My currently preferred pronouns are "Hee!" and "Haw!". Only because I want to hear those who worry about such things bray "Hee!" and "Haw!".
Trendy mental illness is still mental illness.
This reminds me of the eating disorders that were prevalent among girls my age in the 80's. I never lost enough weight to endanger myself. But boy did I HATE my curvy, young body. Hot by today's standards. Back then I kept getting called "fatso," "porker," "lady de lardo," and "fat b*tch" by my peers. Older women told me, "If you'd only quit eating and get down to a size five some guy might love you. No man ever fell in love with a fatty. You'll never get married unless you lose a lot of weight. You can never be too thin or too rich."
But no doctors urged normal weight girls to get liposuction or gastric bypass. If they had gotten their act together with commercials, propaganda campaigns, etc. I bet they could really have cashed in. Which is all doctors care about.
I made the joke that if I had to pick a pronoun, I would pick "you."
This might be fun when they talk about me when I'm not present.
"Did you see Jonah? I told you to be more prompt with the TPS reports."
"What? I don't write the TPS reports."
"Not you. Jonah. I told you to be prompt with the TPS reports."
"No you didn't."
But more seriously....
I have to side with Jordan Peterson that this is ultimately a very diabolical method of speech control. Worse, contributing to the delusion.
I've seen more young people transitioning. This distresses me. I was a transvestite for many years. I weighed transitioning, but decided I valued my good health too much to play dice with my body. So I just opted for the costume, and I am grateful today for that decision.
I have yet to have someone actually close to me go down this rabbit hole. I hope I'm up to that challenge when it comes.
Excerpt from The Emperor's New Clothes:
So off went the Emperor in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, "Oh, how fine are the Emperor's new clothes! Don't they fit him to perfection? And see his long train!" Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No costume the Emperor had worn before was ever such a complete success.
"But he hasn't got anything on," a little child said.
"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "He hasn't anything on. A child says he hasn't anything on."
"But he hasn't got anything on!" the whole town cried out at last.
The Emperor shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all.
Sasha, thanks for a thoughtful piece. More nuance than we hear from the activists.
I haven’t read widely on the topic of youth gender questioning and transition, but I believe that the recent increase is much higher among girls than boys. Yet almost all the media attention is on the men transitioning to women. Aside from Chaz Bono many years ago, name one famous female to male transitioner.
There seems to be a disconnect between what is publicized and celebrated, and what is actually going on.
I worry about all new converts. Trumpets are as mentally clouded as the leftist aocs. I lean republican cause they say they'll are fiscally better then the other side. In reality it's a uniparty that is only about increasing the size of the levitation. Just look at the lack of fight to fix social security and Medicare. Also follow military spending when on side is in. Only ever goes up. Eisenhower was correct all those years ago. My advice is watch movies, love your daughter, travel and keep up your growth on not needing a side. U have tons of talent. Would love if u called reason magazine or Cato. Maybe a collaboration would be fruitful to u. I give to both. True libertarians really need voices like yours, Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson etc. Without u we are impotent. Keep charging forward. I live your work. Thnx.
Spot on Sasha! (And I
am a “Trump supporting bigot.” )
I believe everyone has a right to be happy. And using the “proper pronouns” is a hill I don’t want to die on. To each their own. But at the same time, I will not be forced to speak their speak if I don’t want to. They don’t own the language.
Sadly, you're being emotionally blackmailed with the "correct" pronoun fiction. While you may care about maintaining a relationship with these 'friends', they will cut you off the second you fail to comply with their ideology. Is it really worth trying to hang on to people and relationships like that? I've stopped reading certain news outlets because of their pronoun policies. It's a biological impossibility for a person to 'transition' into the other sex. If they can lie about that, what else are they lying about?
To Sasha Stone Well said. Some people fight battles with guns and some follow along with food and wound care.
Each one of us has a role to play in where this goes, if we so choose. Our children are grown, but if I had a child trying to work through this, I would do as you're doing to protect your daughter. But we need all of us and some of us need to set a very clear boundary (be the vinegar) so we don't lose ourselves in a lie. I've been around a few trannies and in personal conversation I would use "she" and that was my personal choice, but if somebody got nasty and insisted I say certain words as happens today, that would have ended interaction. If I'm in public and if children are around, I'm going to use the correct sex pronoun. Kids have already been confused and damaged enough by older generations and their fetishes. Then there's conversation that is contrary to science. Drugs may alter an appearance to make someone look more like the opposite sex, but the person will not "become" the opposite sex. Since your column is for adults it doesn't really matter (in my opinion) how you use the language, as long as I understand what you're saying. We're all fighting for a decent future for our children. Keep up the great work!
Sasha I believe we've walked right into a Dr. Suess book "Me Can't Be A He" and I can't wait for the last page.
What is happening in the culture is ideological warfare and whoever controls the language wins the day. Pronoun misuse, whether by yourself or others is a sort of semantic pollution. If enough of this pollution is inhaled, otherwise intellegent people will begin to accept it. We need fresh air and need to call out those who are subverting the language.
I thought your April 14th column was another great one…and I wanted to comment on how I thought your analogy regarding the treatment of Audrey Hale as a female victim rather than a white male perp (when that was her chosen identity) was spot on! It didn’t fit the narrative, it was inconvenient, and therefore, for purposes of their discussion of the event, the angry white “he” reverted to a victimized “she.” I also wanted to respectfully question your usage of pronouns in the column...and apparently I wasn’t the only one as your column today is addressing that very issue.
As for today’s column, the part that stood out to me was your concern that calling Lia Thomas a “he” would stop the conversation and you would be tabled a “far right bigot.” Sasha, isn’t that the gun they’re holding to all of our heads? If we don’t comply with this or that "dictate du jour,” then we become persona non grata and are cancelled! They refuse to discuss the issue, they take their ball and go home all the while calling us names, or...they become violent as they did with Riley Gaines. And here’s the thing, they’ll keep doing it as long as we allow them to do it. Don’t we owe our support to Riley Gaines and the others with her courage…shouldn’t we stand up to this mob along side Riley and the others rather than worrying about what names they might call us?
It is not disrespectful to be truthful…we can’t allow them to manipulate us that way. In the end, isn’t it a matter of choosing personal integrity over convenience?
Sasha, you made an important connection when you described your daughter’s experience with a Critical Race Theory class and your later theory that her friends have pivoted toward the trans experience so as not to be one of the “Oppressors”. I think they may be deeply related. Is is possible that the CRT “struggle sessions” happening all over the country in our public schools are driving kids to find a place to be shielded in some way from being shunned as oppressors? Maybe this is obvious and I’m just slow on the uptake, but I hadn’t connected those dots before. It would explain a lot of the appeal of “victimhood” and extreme activism that seems to be prevalent in high school/college level kids. Sounds like a really interesting area of inquiry.
Good points. We all have to choose where we want to draw the line. My point was informed by my thesis advisor at UBC when I was writing my first book. He is a journalist in Canada and a big Orwell guy, a serious stickler for the accuracy of words, the accuracy of their meanings, and how without that we would be lost when it comes time to decide what is true and what is reality. That's important to me. And it's important for free speech too imo
Sasha your fine. Never worry about being a libertarian. It's hard cause everyone hates u, but u get used to it. Using logic and common sense will only get u in trouble on both sides. Trust me. You are going in right direction for someone who loves art. Freedom is key. Your thoughts are yours and F. the man. As a punk skate loving guy from 80s California keep fighting the good fight. People are listening.
The fact that a large portion of your daughter’s friends are transitioning to the opposite sex should tell you something. This ideology is a disease that seems to be spreading fast. Not normal at all IMO. But I agree we need to tread lightly as these are young sensitive souls and we need to remain compassionate. Tricky situation for sure.
This issue is meant to tear us apart, and it's doing an excellent job. I like Libertarian's view of "BS vs. lies", but also, as a Christian, refuse to deny the truth: there are two genders, period. I am praying that we come out of this madness sooner rather than later, but we need to be prepared for the collateral damage that will remain, which is a whole confused, demoralized, lost generation. God help the perpetrators of this destructive ideology. I would not wish what they are facing when they stand before God on anyone.
In my office, the administration released a training video on how to treat transgender people. It is mandatory to watch as a condition of continuous employment. In the video, am employee Patricia becomes Patrick and demands that everyone starts using new pronouns immediately. When the manager - a white old male, of course, - and other older employees say that they need some time to adjust as this is new to them, Patrick gets angry, but then receives a recommendation from a co-worker to file a complaint. He calls or writes to the EEO office, and the manager is punished for discrimination and creating a hostile work environment. Patrick is praised as a hero. The moral of the story is you better get on board quickly or else.
Maybe politeness and compromises should not be employed by the other side either. As someone wrote here, it is a war. It is a war on reality. Just imagine for a second what would happen if we are defeated. Though I just noticed I have mixed up the pronouns in my story too lol.
“ If I called Lia Thomas a “he” that makes most people on the Right feel better because that is what they believe. But it immediately stops the conversation anywhere else. You are labeled a “far right bigot” and that’s the end of the it. “
I don’t know if this is true.
It’s certainly true about the left, but I suspect there’s a big ambivalent middle that is keeping quiet because they think it’s true.
I have a friend who shot his foot off to get sent home from Vietnam. His deployment into river boats forced him to watch people including children burn alive in the Napalm air strikes his boat called in. He transed to a woman shortly thereafter and I had and have no trouble using female pronouns referring to her.
This is a remarkably calm and reasoned presentation of your position on what we all know is an emotionally charged issue. I commend you for sharing, appreciate the candor, and, as always, marvel at your skill. There just ain't enough of what you do going around right now.
Thanks for this thoughtful piece. One compromise might be to just avoid the use of such pronouns altogether when talking with your daughter.
I felt some hope when I read this: “People of her generation are, on their own, starting to realize the dangers of these medicines.”
Rather than addressing the issue of transgenderism per se, perhaps just discuss (should it come up) the unknown dangers of relying on a lifetime of hormone therapies.
As for other parents, just taking your child out of such environments is perhaps the best call. Who paid for your child’s college?
I don’t know. Just spit-balling here. Thank you, Sasha, for openly discussing the dilemma this poses for many people.
The Woke busy aborting their babies and chemically castrating their kids will win Darwin Awards - problem solved as long as you protect your own kids from their insane indoctrination camps.
What many fail to point out is that these ‘mass shooters’ are on SSRIs and other drug treatment plans. They suffer from mental illness and are convinced that ‘gender affirmation’ is the answer. How about these medical professionals affirm their real issues and quit pretending gender is their problem.
I don’t think that the right going after Budweiser and Mulvaney is a reaction against transgender in it self. I’m sure they are some that don’t like transgender but I’m sure some they would respect the decision of the individual. The reason I think they are against that it’s the fact that they are pushing the Transgenderism down our throats when this group represents a very tiny representation of our society. Like Glen beck said it these companies are doing this to get their edge score higher. If we don’t push back they will just do it even more. At what point we say enough is enough. I’m a white woman who also was for gay rights and them being able to get married. I don’t mind transgender but don’t try to steal woman’s right that we’ve work so hard for to get where we are. I have a 5 year old and now I’m confronted to find a school that I hope won’t teach pronouns. I already need to have conversations with my son about gender and shows he watch on Netflix! It’s insanity out there.
In short, refer to an individual with male genitals and Y chromosome as a "she" to avoid being tuned out by Biology Deniers.
Next on the chopping block: two wrongs don't make a right?
Liberals are polluting the minds of our kids from a very early age the likes of which I have never seen. Disgusting.
Thanks Sasha!
THIS!!! This is all I really care about with regards to political opinions, info, & news.
You laid out a very clear, concise, & absolutely honest explanation regarding your views on a topic that (I’m guessing) you received some feedback for.
I enjoy your content more than any other program, podcast, etc. & I wasn’t sure why until reading this.
...because you’re honest, & true to “thine ownself.”
Much love & respect from Alabama!
Thanks for sharing Sasha! I personally think if everyone worked as hard to not be offended, as they do to be offended we would all be better off. I choose not to participate in the nonsense but I try to treat everyone with love. That’s about all I can do. If someone chooses not to accept that, that’s their choice.
Disclaimer warning: those considering gender transition could develop a male habit of thinking about sex often, everyday, meanwhile also harboring a female perspective that being preoccupied with sex is not normal which may therefore prevent you from ever having what you new male persona wants more than anything you previously thought possible.
I think you hit the nail on the head with, they want to be anything but the “oppressor”.
Ms Sasha, I think our Creator wired you properly. The man that gets to gaze into those lovely green eyes and have conversation with you daily is truly blessed.😍
In 2015 I didn't even know a pronoun was. It was one of many things I forgot or didn't learn in elementary school (I wasn't a good student as a boy).
I wouldn't think the preferred pronoun thing was a big deal IF it didn't have the insane baggage of treating a biological male as a legal female (sports / bathrooms / etc.). It's one thing to be supportive of one's feminine/masculine presentation. But the ideological baggage that's baked into today's expectations around pronouns is why I reject the "preferred usage" idiom.
There’s no “slippery slope” here. If someone politely expresses a wish to be he or she, then it’s polite to use it. Though not the end of the world if you fail. They need to get over “deadname” hysteria, and we need to get over pronoun obstinacy. Then we should start looking at real issues like competitive sport together.
I will use their requested name, but I will not use pronouns because I will not participate in their delusion. We are male or female in every cell of our body. It is biological. A sensitive boy is still a boy. A rowdy girl is still a girl. This is another avenue of cultural marxism that divides everything into oppressor vs oppressed. If you are a white person, if you go trans, then you move from the oppressor category to oppressed, and you are given accolades. I won't affirm a lie, although I will treat every human being as important and valuable because they are made in God's image..