When my son was 18 months old his mother died. I raised him from diapers to the Marine Corp. I often worked two jobs and attended night school. But I was dedicated to him and his education. I remember on mother's day, when his class would make projects for their mothers, he would bring it home to me and wish me a happy mothers day, 'because you're my mom, too'. It made me cry because I knew, no matter how hard I tried, I could never be a mother for him.
He's 43 now, and a few years ago he posted on Facebook what a great father I was and how he turned out to be a good person/citizen all because of me, then gave several examples. It made me cry because I could recall was what I considered were my failures.
I suspect that with all of your shortcomings and being single yourself, you also see the failures of your parenthood, but I would bet that your daughter thinks you were the best mom in the world. And I don't think she'd be far off on that, because I believe you were also.
So Happy Father's Day Sasha. Because you might not have been the best father, as I was not the best mother to my son, but you were a father also. God bless you...
Timothy, you made ME cry. You are a saint. Our father left when I was 9 and I was broken hearted well into my 40's thinking of what he missed and we missed not having a father when it was hush hush for people to be "divorced." My mother was everything and never bad mouthed him and she should have. In his later life, I reconciled and took care of him, he was my father after all. Remember, "love is never having to say you are sorry." He wasn't strong like my mother. So I am sure every woman that reads this loves you too!!!
Vicki, thank you for your kind words. I was just reading yesterday where someone was saying that a mother doesn't "need" a man to raise a child, and a father doesn't "need" a women to raise a child. True. But the child 'Needs' a mom and a dad growing up because they each contribute to the child's development in different, but complimentary ways.
I'm so glad you finally got to reconcile with your father. Forgiveness is what truly frees us and allows us to heal and recapture what we've lost... God bless you!
Well done Timothy. The greatest gift you gave, and I’m sure continue to give, your son is your unconditional love and presence. What a beautiful example you have given him.
Sorry Sasha Stone. I am here to break your bubble now. Most actual normal Christian men like me wish mostly for normal common woman, who loves God first, and then us next. That is the proper formula. Their looks are very secondary. Their hearts are primary. The way normal Christian men think is very simple. If she loves God more than me, then she is a winner. Me and my wife experienced our 44th anniversary yesterday. We wish for many more years. We are still one flesh according to Genesis 2:24-25. We will live forever in eternity.
I love her more now, than the very day I married her, 44 years ago, yesterday.
Ditto here TomPotts, but I'll admit that I was born into a good Christian family with a Dad that took me to church, taught me to work, disciplined the folly out of me. Values and virtues, no womanizing. As with Sasha and SO many these days, they don't get such a start in life, and we very much follow the lead of those who are raising us. I'm sad for those in that world that Sasha described, and I pray they will find the SUPERNATURAL renewal that JesusChrist offers. It is very real, VERY real, and it is free.
Thank you, Tom. Sanctimonious individuals like you are part of the reason I'm an atheist. The other part is that I prefer reason over a belief in the supernatural.
I apologize if I offended you. I did not mean to do that. Everyone needs someone who cares for them and keeps them close in their hearts. I was fortunate to be able to do that very early in my life. One more thing, I am far from perfect. No reason for sanctimony. I sin every day like every other human being on planet earth except Jesus Christ. Lord Jesus is my righteousness. I have none on my own.
Sasha, I have read many Father's Day pieces -- this is among the best I have ever read. As the father of five, I have spent much/most of my life trying to help them grow, flourish and, most of all, know they are loved. There is far too little of that anywhere these days. You bring it all home with a verisimilitude that is rare and an honesty that is compelling. Many thanks for writing this piece from your soul. I intend to share it with those to whom it will mean a great deal.
Amen SGC. Being a parent is work, and many are lazy. Selfishness is also a huge ingredient in the failure of parents, Dads.
I will say, I've CANNOT imagine having my own child in this world that is OUT THERE, somewhere, without me. My own flesh and blood, adrift, fatherless. How can people have such a seared conscience that they can cut their own children adrift in the world......
My husband and my kids' father, was killed by a drunk driver when my son was 10 and my daughter was 8 months. We had plenty of family and friends who could have stepped up, at least from time-to-time, especially with my son, but they didn't. It would have made such a positive difference in our lives. I am urging everyone out there who knows someone going through what my kids and I went through to find it in your heart to include them in your lives. They so desperately need to feel "normal."
‘Fatherlessness’ is a plague upon this country. It raises up angry young men and girls who go looking for love in the wrong ways, convinced that their beauty and sexual allure is the best way to ‘happiness’ and stability. We NEED whole and stable families to help sons and daughters grow into mature and mentally healthy adults.
Thank you Sasha for the wonderful Father's Day tribute!! I'm glad you had a dad who stuck and was supportive in his own way! I was lucky enough to have a dad who had plenty of faults, but was there for me (and my sibs) in those classic ways of teaching us to ride our bikes, teaching me to draw in perspective at an early age, telling me I looked great in whatever kooky outfits I was wearing and becoming a friend and sounding board when I was an adult. I owe much of my success to him! Happy Father's Day to all the dad's who put their kid's safety, security and stability FIRST!!
1970, I was one, my brother 5. Dad left to party, and he did. Looking back, the best thing that happened to us; Mother was the toughest person we have ever known and her strength resides with us today. Wifey and I have three self-supportive GenXers built upon the 'strength'.
If you are a single mother(or father) and your children are 'mostly good' you need to embrace it. Bless you.
I’m very grateful to my two sons for their support and encouragement to their children and their wives. Their father and I separated when they were 4 and 7. Their father left me, but always made an effort to be in their life. He wasn’t perfect, none of us are, but he tried and that’s what’s important. My younger son when he was 16 gave me the best compliment ever. He said I was a great mother. I asked him why he felt that way. He said it was because I always put them first. I’m sure Sasha, your daughter feels the same way about you. I couldn’t step in and replace their dad when he wasn’t there, but I tried. That’s all that matters…if we try.
Right, but nooo, if you show up, you might have to 'work', you might have to put your beer down and change a diaper or band-aid a crying kid. Showing up has risks......
Touching piece. As stepfather to 3 grown up children and step grandfather to 9 grandchildren it was a gem. Thanks and hope arm and other bits are getting better!
Good essay. The part SStone left out is that , 50+ yrs ago, men took care of women. Now they tend to 'use' women.
The pill, the sexual revolution, and feminism came along. 'Everybody does it' lends to selfishness.
Music, porn, and Hollywood contributed. Men, more than women, believed the lies.
It is a fallen world, and all is in decay, be it your house, your aging body, or society. Only Jesus declared 'I make all things new again', for those who look for Him. For those who want 'renewal', its there. There's no 'hook' in Jesus' message, no money required. For over 2000 yrs now, there are millions upon millions of witnesses to the truly supernatural conversion Jesus brings. I'm one. Who should we listen to? The mockers and fools will keep us on the path of decay.
Thanks Sasha,
When my son was 18 months old his mother died. I raised him from diapers to the Marine Corp. I often worked two jobs and attended night school. But I was dedicated to him and his education. I remember on mother's day, when his class would make projects for their mothers, he would bring it home to me and wish me a happy mothers day, 'because you're my mom, too'. It made me cry because I knew, no matter how hard I tried, I could never be a mother for him.
He's 43 now, and a few years ago he posted on Facebook what a great father I was and how he turned out to be a good person/citizen all because of me, then gave several examples. It made me cry because I could recall was what I considered were my failures.
I suspect that with all of your shortcomings and being single yourself, you also see the failures of your parenthood, but I would bet that your daughter thinks you were the best mom in the world. And I don't think she'd be far off on that, because I believe you were also.
So Happy Father's Day Sasha. Because you might not have been the best father, as I was not the best mother to my son, but you were a father also. God bless you...
Timothy
Happy Father's Day, Timothy. Well done.
What a beautiful man you are, Timothy. Happy Father's Day 💙
Great comment!
Good Job!
As this old Navy Man would say, a big Bravo Zulu to both you and your outstanding son!
Well Done sir - Well Done.
Timothy, you made ME cry. You are a saint. Our father left when I was 9 and I was broken hearted well into my 40's thinking of what he missed and we missed not having a father when it was hush hush for people to be "divorced." My mother was everything and never bad mouthed him and she should have. In his later life, I reconciled and took care of him, he was my father after all. Remember, "love is never having to say you are sorry." He wasn't strong like my mother. So I am sure every woman that reads this loves you too!!!
Vicki, thank you for your kind words. I was just reading yesterday where someone was saying that a mother doesn't "need" a man to raise a child, and a father doesn't "need" a women to raise a child. True. But the child 'Needs' a mom and a dad growing up because they each contribute to the child's development in different, but complimentary ways.
I'm so glad you finally got to reconcile with your father. Forgiveness is what truly frees us and allows us to heal and recapture what we've lost... God bless you!
Well done Timothy. The greatest gift you gave, and I’m sure continue to give, your son is your unconditional love and presence. What a beautiful example you have given him.
Absolutely amazing piece! Thank you!
Sorry Sasha Stone. I am here to break your bubble now. Most actual normal Christian men like me wish mostly for normal common woman, who loves God first, and then us next. That is the proper formula. Their looks are very secondary. Their hearts are primary. The way normal Christian men think is very simple. If she loves God more than me, then she is a winner. Me and my wife experienced our 44th anniversary yesterday. We wish for many more years. We are still one flesh according to Genesis 2:24-25. We will live forever in eternity.
I love her more now, than the very day I married her, 44 years ago, yesterday.
I am fully blessed.
Ditto here TomPotts, but I'll admit that I was born into a good Christian family with a Dad that took me to church, taught me to work, disciplined the folly out of me. Values and virtues, no womanizing. As with Sasha and SO many these days, they don't get such a start in life, and we very much follow the lead of those who are raising us. I'm sad for those in that world that Sasha described, and I pray they will find the SUPERNATURAL renewal that JesusChrist offers. It is very real, VERY real, and it is free.
I wasn’t. Both my parents were atheists. Mom was very hostile to my Christian faith. I still miss my father. I am very blessed
A reminder, brother:
“If I speak in human and angelic tongues* but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.” 1 Cor 13:1
Thank you. I appreciate your comment. I do have love for people. Hospitality is what I love to do.
Thank you, Tom. Sanctimonious individuals like you are part of the reason I'm an atheist. The other part is that I prefer reason over a belief in the supernatural.
Everyone is a work in progress, there are humble atheists and prideful Christians and vice versa.
I apologize if I offended you. I did not mean to do that. Everyone needs someone who cares for them and keeps them close in their hearts. I was fortunate to be able to do that very early in my life. One more thing, I am far from perfect. No reason for sanctimony. I sin every day like every other human being on planet earth except Jesus Christ. Lord Jesus is my righteousness. I have none on my own.
Sasha, I have read many Father's Day pieces -- this is among the best I have ever read. As the father of five, I have spent much/most of my life trying to help them grow, flourish and, most of all, know they are loved. There is far too little of that anywhere these days. You bring it all home with a verisimilitude that is rare and an honesty that is compelling. Many thanks for writing this piece from your soul. I intend to share it with those to whom it will mean a great deal.
Sasha, that is such a poignant, heart-felt, bittersweet outpouring of understanding, love and appreciation, I am at a loss for words. You Rock.
The Great Society
Do your own thing.
And just plain selfishness.
UNACCEPTABLE!
I am a proud father of 4 children. All well into adulthood.
If you elect to bring children into this world, it is a 100% commitment. No excuses. No laziness. Work your tail off.
The main things you must give are TIME and LOVE.
Yes you will make mistakes ….everyone does.
But until God calls you home, you are a DAD.
Amen SGC. Being a parent is work, and many are lazy. Selfishness is also a huge ingredient in the failure of parents, Dads.
I will say, I've CANNOT imagine having my own child in this world that is OUT THERE, somewhere, without me. My own flesh and blood, adrift, fatherless. How can people have such a seared conscience that they can cut their own children adrift in the world......
My husband and my kids' father, was killed by a drunk driver when my son was 10 and my daughter was 8 months. We had plenty of family and friends who could have stepped up, at least from time-to-time, especially with my son, but they didn't. It would have made such a positive difference in our lives. I am urging everyone out there who knows someone going through what my kids and I went through to find it in your heart to include them in your lives. They so desperately need to feel "normal."
‘Fatherlessness’ is a plague upon this country. It raises up angry young men and girls who go looking for love in the wrong ways, convinced that their beauty and sexual allure is the best way to ‘happiness’ and stability. We NEED whole and stable families to help sons and daughters grow into mature and mentally healthy adults.
Very grateful for my husband who is a wonderful father to our 3 kids
Agree our culture needs to value fathers much more than it currently does
thanks for sharing your story Sasha!
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers!
Thank you Sasha for the wonderful Father's Day tribute!! I'm glad you had a dad who stuck and was supportive in his own way! I was lucky enough to have a dad who had plenty of faults, but was there for me (and my sibs) in those classic ways of teaching us to ride our bikes, teaching me to draw in perspective at an early age, telling me I looked great in whatever kooky outfits I was wearing and becoming a friend and sounding board when I was an adult. I owe much of my success to him! Happy Father's Day to all the dad's who put their kid's safety, security and stability FIRST!!
1970, I was one, my brother 5. Dad left to party, and he did. Looking back, the best thing that happened to us; Mother was the toughest person we have ever known and her strength resides with us today. Wifey and I have three self-supportive GenXers built upon the 'strength'.
If you are a single mother(or father) and your children are 'mostly good' you need to embrace it. Bless you.
Wow, this is a very touching essay. I always look forward to your posts but this one really resonated. Thanks, and I'm glad your dad stuck around.
I’m very grateful to my two sons for their support and encouragement to their children and their wives. Their father and I separated when they were 4 and 7. Their father left me, but always made an effort to be in their life. He wasn’t perfect, none of us are, but he tried and that’s what’s important. My younger son when he was 16 gave me the best compliment ever. He said I was a great mother. I asked him why he felt that way. He said it was because I always put them first. I’m sure Sasha, your daughter feels the same way about you. I couldn’t step in and replace their dad when he wasn’t there, but I tried. That’s all that matters…if we try.
Well done, Ruth.
Thanks 😊
90% of everything is just showing up.
Just show up.
Right, but nooo, if you show up, you might have to 'work', you might have to put your beer down and change a diaper or band-aid a crying kid. Showing up has risks......
Touching piece. As stepfather to 3 grown up children and step grandfather to 9 grandchildren it was a gem. Thanks and hope arm and other bits are getting better!
Amr Australia
Good essay. The part SStone left out is that , 50+ yrs ago, men took care of women. Now they tend to 'use' women.
The pill, the sexual revolution, and feminism came along. 'Everybody does it' lends to selfishness.
Music, porn, and Hollywood contributed. Men, more than women, believed the lies.
It is a fallen world, and all is in decay, be it your house, your aging body, or society. Only Jesus declared 'I make all things new again', for those who look for Him. For those who want 'renewal', its there. There's no 'hook' in Jesus' message, no money required. For over 2000 yrs now, there are millions upon millions of witnesses to the truly supernatural conversion Jesus brings. I'm one. Who should we listen to? The mockers and fools will keep us on the path of decay.
Amen.