Thank you for this essay. I really needed it. I was recently dumped by someone I thought was a friend for suggesting that Biden was infirm and the cases against Trump were lawfare. This was just before the debates. This friend and I hadn't really talked politics much over the years, although with her being a therapist I assumed she was l…
Thank you for this essay. I really needed it. I was recently dumped by someone I thought was a friend for suggesting that Biden was infirm and the cases against Trump were lawfare. This was just before the debates. This friend and I hadn't really talked politics much over the years, although with her being a therapist I assumed she was left leaning yet tolerant. I assumed wrong.
She expressed absolute shock to discover I wasn't a full blown progressive. When I asked her why she would assume that since we never really talked politics she said she thought I was a good person so of course I was progressive. Now that she knew my real feelings she "realized I had been a facsist all along." She proceeded to spout every lefty propoganda talking point there was - Russiagate, "very fine people", "convicted rapist", "bloodshed", etc. My answer was that we were living in two different realities and I probably couldn't convince her that she was in the wrong one as any fact that countered her beliefs was as automatically "false right wing propoganda" as people who disagreed with her must be "facist and bigots".
It's a hermetically sealed mindset. Any and all evidence to the contrary is thrown out. Any people believing otherwise MUST be bigots. I can't be a good person who believes what I do so naturally I am a horrible person who must have just fooled her.
What hurt the most was how cruel she was. When I told her we would have to just disagree she called me delusional and laughed in my face. I had confided in her months before about a childhood trauma (sexual abuse) and she told me that maybe I had deserved this. She turned into a cruel person who mocked a person she had called a friend just the day before.
It doesn't make it any less painful, but a lot of people have gone through this. In my case, it was a cherished friend of many decades who basically decided that people who didn't hate Trump enough to suit him needed to be shoved away. I was banned from his social media, kicked off his Christmas card list, you get the picture. Sad.
Turning families against each other on purpose and being proud of it is what finally convinced me these people aren't just misled or ingorant, but actually evil. There's no other word for it. I'm thankful it didn't spiral out of control, but there were moments during that madness when they really seemed prepared to send people off to camps.
With therapists and friends like that who needs enemies?! Sorry for the loss and pain you have endured. I hope and pray a brighter day is dawning for all of us.
I finally had to tell my "friends" of 50+ years they were like talking to an un-contacted tribe, they were so ill informed. They kept bellowing, "Where do you get your news, FOX?!" The discussion was over Biden's cognitive decline. I have been thinking about that discussion a lot in recent days. I wonder if they do.
All of us probably have someone like that in (and now out) of our lives. It is sad that she is being so deliberately hurtful.
Mine is guy with whom I shared season tickets to a local baseball team for four seasons before he moved to Florida. When his son was failing, he gave a kidney. We fondled Marilyn Chambers together at the premiere of Insatiable forty years ago. Today his TDS is so great that he refuses to communicate with me at all. When Doc was pitching his one and only no-no for the Yanks one evening I called him in Florida to alert him so he could tune it in. We had sat together during that magical night in September of '84 when Doc shut down the Cubs in that overpowering one-hit performance. But maybe he'll come around. Siddhartha said, "I can think. I can wait. I can fast." Heaven knows anyone who sees me knows that I don't fast all that often, but I can think, and I can wait and I shall do both. With hope. He is a good man at his core and one of my favorite parables is The Prodigal Son.
Here's hoping your friend someday feels more understanding.
Wow, you donated a kidney to this guy's son - I would think that having done something so noble, so kind, so humane, and so selfless that any political differences would be treated as "reasonable people can agree to disagree" and not talk politics. I have lost friends over this political atmosphere, but you and your family didn't deserve to be treated like this after the kindness you showed to him and his family.
No. I apologize for evidently being unclear. My (former) friend was the one who gave the kidney. Truly, I am sorry for being confusing. My point was that Steve is a good, caring man and I have hopes that he will get over his hostility.
And my heart goes out to you. Retired from mental health myself I feel I can legitimately say that this “therapist” is a dangerous person. Who knows what’s happening with her clients? That was an egregious and abusive act. And now you know who she truly is. I think all here have experienced and understand this unique kind of pain.
They are the furthest thing from “liberals”. In recent years they themselves have even mostly stopped referring to themselves as such. I think it’s best we should avoid calling them liberals as well since they no longer believe in tolerance or suspicion of the power of government among other things. I think “progressive” fits as it ties them to the original Progressives of the early twentieth century that brought us eugenics and Prohibition, among other evils.
WOW. What a piece of utter human garbage. I'm sorry that you were hurt like that - but mostly I'm sorry that she was able to masquerade so effectively as a decent human.
A significant percentage of these people are either deeply mentally ill or just evil (or both.) Twitter is full of them calling for Biden to have Trump assassinated - absolutely seriously. I've even seen some saying that their friends and family might also have to "go" if it's for the common good... (!!!). I don't think they can ever recover - their egos or whatever it is that has locked them into this insanity is too strong.
History is full of moments where weak, bitter people become complete monsters like this - maybe it's just part of (some) humans' mental make-up. China's Red Guards, Germans in the 30s, etc. Personally, I take some comfort in realizing that those times do largely come to an end, but only after almost unfathomable human devastation. There are "bad" people - unfortunately, this "therapist" has chosen to be one of them. I hope you find peace with having that human tumor removed from your life.
I saw this on a forum talking about estranged parents and how many neglect to see their roles in an estrangement and I think it sheds light on this situation and has helped me to understand the possible psychology behind my friend's reaction to a difference in opinion.
" The difference isn't a matter of style, it's a split between two ways of perceiving the world.
In one worldview, emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion. If a member gives one set of details to describe how angry she is about a past event, and a few days later gives a contradictory set of details to describe how sad she is about the same event, both versions are legitimate because both emotions are legitimate. Context is malleable because the full picture may not support the member's emotion. If a member adds details that undermine her emotion, the other members considerately ignore them. Emotion creates reality.
In the second worldview, reality creates emotion. Members want the full picture so they can decide whether the poster's emotions are justified. .. Small details can change the entire tenor of a forum's response; members see a distinction between "She said I'm worthless" and "She said something that made me feel worthless." Members recognize that unjustified emotions (like supersensitivity due to trauma, or irritation with another person that colors the view of everything the person does) are real and deserve respect, but they also believe that unjustified emotions shouldn't be acted on. They show posters different ways to view the situation and give advice on how to handle the emotions. In short, they believe that external events create emotional responses, that only some responses are justified, that people's initial perceptions of events are often flawed, and that understanding external events can help people understand and manage emotions.
The first viewpoint, "emotion creates reality," is truth for a great many people. Not a healthy truth, not a truth that promotes good relationships, but a deep, lived truth nonetheless. It's seductive. It means that whatever you're feeling is just and right, that you're never in the wrong unless you feel you're in the wrong. For people whose self-image is so battered and fragile that they can't bear anything but validation, often it feels like the only way they can face the world."
I do think emotion is the key difference; nothing gets in the way of emotion for many.
My single mother raising two boys in the 70s told us the 19th amendment should be repealed purely for that reason. She was the toughest person I have ever known and I served with many wonderful women, and my lovely of 30 years is badass so I kind of disagree wither Mom :-D. Our two daughters understand things nicely so...
"Emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion."
I've run into people with this worldview as well. I might phrase it slightly differently though:
"Emotion is the main point, it's what we're really talking about. Anything that detracts from that is a distraction."
And I actually do agree with them that not staying on point in a discussion is very annoying and a huge distraction. That certainly is something that can be validated and agreed with.
But emotion is just a state, it's not a position. It's something you fall in and out of. You can't stay angry all the time, or happy all the time. To have a conversation with people who have this worldview, you first have to see if they're willing to move to a calm emotional state. In that state, using reason, evidence, and truth isn't a distraction, but just the opposite, it feeds the feeling of being calm and in control.
I have found in my life that therapists are some of the most confused people I have encountered. Years ago I dated a psychologist who was actually delusional - she thought people were communicating with her subliminally. Now I avoid them as I would avoid a person who had a communicable disease but not taking elementary precautions to avoid spreading it. Sorry for your disappointment - I had a friend of 50 years standing who cut me off because I told him Biden had lied!
My marriage counselor is a Christian. For me, as a Believer, that was a requirement. Like any professional service, you as the client have choices and responsibility to engage service which best aligns w/ your values.
Thank you for sharing this story. It’s important for those of us who have only peripheral dealings with full-blown progressives to understand just how cruel they can be. People like you and Sasha are the truly brave ones.
Geez, classic case of “with friends like these, who needs enemies”.
But I know where you’re coming from, I have friends who’ve defriended other friends over their support of MAGA. So petty in my eyes, and I’m really tired of the divisiveness!
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. It only confirms what I’ve believed to be true for many years. The Democratic left has clearly taken the lead as America’s #1 hate group. They live in a prison of maniacal fear and loathing of Trump they seem unable to escape from. Perhaps your “friend” and others like her should just be pitied rather than hated back.
Thank you for this essay. I really needed it. I was recently dumped by someone I thought was a friend for suggesting that Biden was infirm and the cases against Trump were lawfare. This was just before the debates. This friend and I hadn't really talked politics much over the years, although with her being a therapist I assumed she was left leaning yet tolerant. I assumed wrong.
She expressed absolute shock to discover I wasn't a full blown progressive. When I asked her why she would assume that since we never really talked politics she said she thought I was a good person so of course I was progressive. Now that she knew my real feelings she "realized I had been a facsist all along." She proceeded to spout every lefty propoganda talking point there was - Russiagate, "very fine people", "convicted rapist", "bloodshed", etc. My answer was that we were living in two different realities and I probably couldn't convince her that she was in the wrong one as any fact that countered her beliefs was as automatically "false right wing propoganda" as people who disagreed with her must be "facist and bigots".
It's a hermetically sealed mindset. Any and all evidence to the contrary is thrown out. Any people believing otherwise MUST be bigots. I can't be a good person who believes what I do so naturally I am a horrible person who must have just fooled her.
What hurt the most was how cruel she was. When I told her we would have to just disagree she called me delusional and laughed in my face. I had confided in her months before about a childhood trauma (sexual abuse) and she told me that maybe I had deserved this. She turned into a cruel person who mocked a person she had called a friend just the day before.
And did I mention she's a therapist!
Jennifer- that is HORRIBLE!!! Well some of the most lefty/progressive "good people" are really the worst! The intolerance of the left knows no bounds!
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, but she showed her true colors! Not a true friend!!
No one deserves childhood sexual abuse. Absolutely no one. Today I speak Jesus over you Jennifer. His mercies are new every morning.
It doesn't make it any less painful, but a lot of people have gone through this. In my case, it was a cherished friend of many decades who basically decided that people who didn't hate Trump enough to suit him needed to be shoved away. I was banned from his social media, kicked off his Christmas card list, you get the picture. Sad.
If supporting DJT didn’t lose you friends, then the COVID vax / anti vax discussion did the trick.
Turning families against each other on purpose and being proud of it is what finally convinced me these people aren't just misled or ingorant, but actually evil. There's no other word for it. I'm thankful it didn't spiral out of control, but there were moments during that madness when they really seemed prepared to send people off to camps.
Unfortunately It’s not over yet. https://birdflusummit.com/about-us/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
These are the exact people no one needs in their lives.
Amen!
With therapists and friends like that who needs enemies?! Sorry for the loss and pain you have endured. I hope and pray a brighter day is dawning for all of us.
What's sickening is these therapists are filling their clients' minds with this poison. I believe Abigail Shrier's new book is on this topic.
Yes, Bad Therapy by A. Shrier is a very important read.
I finally had to tell my "friends" of 50+ years they were like talking to an un-contacted tribe, they were so ill informed. They kept bellowing, "Where do you get your news, FOX?!" The discussion was over Biden's cognitive decline. I have been thinking about that discussion a lot in recent days. I wonder if they do.
"Uncontacted tribe" ❤️😆
I guess there's a reason that uncontacted tribe in Senegal throws spears at anyone who tries to make contact.
All of us probably have someone like that in (and now out) of our lives. It is sad that she is being so deliberately hurtful.
Mine is guy with whom I shared season tickets to a local baseball team for four seasons before he moved to Florida. When his son was failing, he gave a kidney. We fondled Marilyn Chambers together at the premiere of Insatiable forty years ago. Today his TDS is so great that he refuses to communicate with me at all. When Doc was pitching his one and only no-no for the Yanks one evening I called him in Florida to alert him so he could tune it in. We had sat together during that magical night in September of '84 when Doc shut down the Cubs in that overpowering one-hit performance. But maybe he'll come around. Siddhartha said, "I can think. I can wait. I can fast." Heaven knows anyone who sees me knows that I don't fast all that often, but I can think, and I can wait and I shall do both. With hope. He is a good man at his core and one of my favorite parables is The Prodigal Son.
Here's hoping your friend someday feels more understanding.
Wow, you donated a kidney to this guy's son - I would think that having done something so noble, so kind, so humane, and so selfless that any political differences would be treated as "reasonable people can agree to disagree" and not talk politics. I have lost friends over this political atmosphere, but you and your family didn't deserve to be treated like this after the kindness you showed to him and his family.
No. I apologize for evidently being unclear. My (former) friend was the one who gave the kidney. Truly, I am sorry for being confusing. My point was that Steve is a good, caring man and I have hopes that he will get over his hostility.
you were clear as a bell David!
J David wrote “.When his son was failing, he gave a kidney.” So I think he means the other guy donated his kidney to his (the other guy still) son.
“It's a hermetically sealed mindset.”
You nailed it.
And my heart goes out to you. Retired from mental health myself I feel I can legitimately say that this “therapist” is a dangerous person. Who knows what’s happening with her clients? That was an egregious and abusive act. And now you know who she truly is. I think all here have experienced and understand this unique kind of pain.
"And now you know who she truly is." Bingo. It's important to recognize that your former view of who these people really are was mistaken.
Liberals are narcissistic and evil. Well, maybe not all of them. But quite a lot of them. Avoid.
They are the furthest thing from “liberals”. In recent years they themselves have even mostly stopped referring to themselves as such. I think it’s best we should avoid calling them liberals as well since they no longer believe in tolerance or suspicion of the power of government among other things. I think “progressive” fits as it ties them to the original Progressives of the early twentieth century that brought us eugenics and Prohibition, among other evils.
WOW. What a piece of utter human garbage. I'm sorry that you were hurt like that - but mostly I'm sorry that she was able to masquerade so effectively as a decent human.
A significant percentage of these people are either deeply mentally ill or just evil (or both.) Twitter is full of them calling for Biden to have Trump assassinated - absolutely seriously. I've even seen some saying that their friends and family might also have to "go" if it's for the common good... (!!!). I don't think they can ever recover - their egos or whatever it is that has locked them into this insanity is too strong.
History is full of moments where weak, bitter people become complete monsters like this - maybe it's just part of (some) humans' mental make-up. China's Red Guards, Germans in the 30s, etc. Personally, I take some comfort in realizing that those times do largely come to an end, but only after almost unfathomable human devastation. There are "bad" people - unfortunately, this "therapist" has chosen to be one of them. I hope you find peace with having that human tumor removed from your life.
I saw this on a forum talking about estranged parents and how many neglect to see their roles in an estrangement and I think it sheds light on this situation and has helped me to understand the possible psychology behind my friend's reaction to a difference in opinion.
" The difference isn't a matter of style, it's a split between two ways of perceiving the world.
In one worldview, emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion. If a member gives one set of details to describe how angry she is about a past event, and a few days later gives a contradictory set of details to describe how sad she is about the same event, both versions are legitimate because both emotions are legitimate. Context is malleable because the full picture may not support the member's emotion. If a member adds details that undermine her emotion, the other members considerately ignore them. Emotion creates reality.
In the second worldview, reality creates emotion. Members want the full picture so they can decide whether the poster's emotions are justified. .. Small details can change the entire tenor of a forum's response; members see a distinction between "She said I'm worthless" and "She said something that made me feel worthless." Members recognize that unjustified emotions (like supersensitivity due to trauma, or irritation with another person that colors the view of everything the person does) are real and deserve respect, but they also believe that unjustified emotions shouldn't be acted on. They show posters different ways to view the situation and give advice on how to handle the emotions. In short, they believe that external events create emotional responses, that only some responses are justified, that people's initial perceptions of events are often flawed, and that understanding external events can help people understand and manage emotions.
The first viewpoint, "emotion creates reality," is truth for a great many people. Not a healthy truth, not a truth that promotes good relationships, but a deep, lived truth nonetheless. It's seductive. It means that whatever you're feeling is just and right, that you're never in the wrong unless you feel you're in the wrong. For people whose self-image is so battered and fragile that they can't bear anything but validation, often it feels like the only way they can face the world."
I do think emotion is the key difference; nothing gets in the way of emotion for many.
My single mother raising two boys in the 70s told us the 19th amendment should be repealed purely for that reason. She was the toughest person I have ever known and I served with many wonderful women, and my lovely of 30 years is badass so I kind of disagree wither Mom :-D. Our two daughters understand things nicely so...
You are spot on imho, rock on.
"Emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion."
I've run into people with this worldview as well. I might phrase it slightly differently though:
"Emotion is the main point, it's what we're really talking about. Anything that detracts from that is a distraction."
And I actually do agree with them that not staying on point in a discussion is very annoying and a huge distraction. That certainly is something that can be validated and agreed with.
But emotion is just a state, it's not a position. It's something you fall in and out of. You can't stay angry all the time, or happy all the time. To have a conversation with people who have this worldview, you first have to see if they're willing to move to a calm emotional state. In that state, using reason, evidence, and truth isn't a distraction, but just the opposite, it feeds the feeling of being calm and in control.
I have found in my life that therapists are some of the most confused people I have encountered. Years ago I dated a psychologist who was actually delusional - she thought people were communicating with her subliminally. Now I avoid them as I would avoid a person who had a communicable disease but not taking elementary precautions to avoid spreading it. Sorry for your disappointment - I had a friend of 50 years standing who cut me off because I told him Biden had lied!
My marriage counselor is a Christian. For me, as a Believer, that was a requirement. Like any professional service, you as the client have choices and responsibility to engage service which best aligns w/ your values.
Thank you for sharing what is possibly the most profound story illustrating just how widespread the delusional brainwashing has become.
Thank you for sharing this story. It’s important for those of us who have only peripheral dealings with full-blown progressives to understand just how cruel they can be. People like you and Sasha are the truly brave ones.
Geez, classic case of “with friends like these, who needs enemies”.
But I know where you’re coming from, I have friends who’ve defriended other friends over their support of MAGA. So petty in my eyes, and I’m really tired of the divisiveness!
That person lives in fear... You don't. Be proud as we need more of it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. It only confirms what I’ve believed to be true for many years. The Democratic left has clearly taken the lead as America’s #1 hate group. They live in a prison of maniacal fear and loathing of Trump they seem unable to escape from. Perhaps your “friend” and others like her should just be pitied rather than hated back.