Rob Reiner holds his phone in front of his face, and doom-scrolls Twitter. One after the other, all about the coming apocalypse, Donald Trump's potential win.
The monster. The fascist. The BEAST is outpolling Uncle Joe - how is this happening? He’s indicted for felonies, a twice impeached crook, conman, and dictator. He waged an armed insurrection to attack the Capitol to overturn the election; he’s worse than Hitler, worse than Mussolini. Who are these people that support him? Why do we have to share a country with them?
Reiner was getting triggered by those he trusted and followed on Twitter, like the Lincoln Project, Liz Cheney, Marc Elias, Occupy Democrats. And Call to Activism:
They ARE insane, Reiner thought, those who voted for Trump. We still don’t know what to do with them, or where to put them. Hillary is right. A deprogramming facility to help ease them out of their love for that monster is the only way we can have a Democracy.
You know who protects all of us, he thought. Prosecutors like Jack Smith and attorney generals like Merrick Garland. Our great president. Sure, he’s old, but so what? He does what a president is supposed to do, like spend his whole life in government.
Reiner is suddenly so full of rage that he feels like a water balloon and can’t hold back any longer. He cocks his fingers and fires off one Tweet after another.
BOOM:
BOOM!
And, BOOM!
A Great Day
As Reiner readies himself to head out the door to record Episode Five of his podcast, Who Killed JFK, his phone vibrates. A FaceTime call from James Carville.
“Hey, Rob, did you catch me on Maher?”
”Yeah on Twitter,” Reiner says.
“We’re going after the Christian Nationalists. ‘More dangerous than Al Qaeda,’ I told him. The crowd went nuts for that, chanting, clapping, frothing at the mouth. Then it went viral. Did you see it went viral?”
Reiner smiles stiffly. ”Every one of my Tweets goes viral so I’m glad it happened to you, Jimmy. You uh, did know I was dropping my trailer for my beatdown of Christians like a day later, right?
”Yeah,” Carville says, “I was just greasing the pole for you, man. We have to stop the Christians. Whatever it takes. They’re the real threat to this country because they vote Trump. I know these people. I grew up with them. They’re bad news. Even if they’re not, we still gotta win. And look what we got, a warmed-up bowl of oatmeal to work with. Who’s worse, him or Kamala Harris?”
Reiner stops himself from rolling his eyes. “I know, Jimmy. I just made a whole movie about it. You wanna hear the synopsis?” Reiner didn’t wait for his answer, just blurted it out, word for word:
From director Dan Partland and producer Rob Reiner, GOD and COUNTRY looks at the implications of Christian Nationalism and how it distorts not only our constitutional republic, but Christianity itself. Featuring prominent Christian thought leaders, GOD and COUNTRY asks this question: What happens when a faith built on love, sacrifice, and forgiveness grows political tentacles, conflating power, money, and belief into hyper-nationalism? Directed by Dan Partland. Produced by Rob and Michele Reiner.
Carville breaks his silence with a chuckle.
”What?” Reiner says, defensively.
”Just maybe a little high-falootin’ for the flyover states, there, Rob. We’re trying to win votes here, not get invited to a book club party in Chappaqua.”
”I’m just trying to save democracy, not win an Oscar. We have to shame them into not voting for Trump. We have to tarnish what’s left of their reputations, all of those Christians. We have to take everything from them, their love of Trump, their love of country, their love of God, everything.”
”Okay, but no one is going to watch that except Jen Psaki and her Zoomba class.”
Reiner feels his face flush crimson.
“Look, I gotta go, Jim, I gotta go record my podcast.”
”Podcast?”
”Yeah, about the assassination of JFK.”
”Really? You think someone other than Oswald did it?
”I know someone other than Oswald did it. And I will name names.”
”You sound like those guys who think January 6th was an inside job and that there is a whole conspiracy by the deep state to take Trump out of power.”
”I’m hanging up right now,” Reiner says, “if you don’t SHUT UP! Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone, and it doesn’t make me a fascist brown shirt cult follower Nazi insurrectionist domestic terrorist to say so!”
”Okay, man, okay. Calm down. I’m just saying you sound like one of those guys.”
Reiner did something he would never normally do. He hung up on James Carville. The rage began to roil inside him again, making his heart pound. He had to shake it off. He had to sound like a rational human being when he got to the recording studio.
Today, he was recording an episode called The Wilderness of Mirrors, about CIA overlord William Jesus Angleton, who was part of a vast spying operation on antiwar Americans.
Some idiot sent Reiner a link to a column by Seymour Hersh, who had the gall to suggest someone other than Putin blew up the Nord Stream pipeline, the crackpot. Before he lost his head, though, he was a pretty good reporter. He broke the story that the government was spying on antiwar citizens back in the 1970s.
Jefferson Morley, who, according to Hersh, “spent decades tracking the CIA and other state secrets stemming from Jack Kennedy’s assassination onward” and was now urging the Biden administration to declassify a 48-year old Senate testimony of Angelton on CIA counterintelligence.
But Reiner knew he would never betray his loyalty to Biden by bringing it up on the podcast, even if it’s an important part of the story, just like he’d never credit Hersh with any of it. Reiner was the one with a top-rated podcast. And he’s got Soledad O’Brien working with him. Not like Hersh, who is across enemy lines now, doing the bidding of Putin, writing on Substack of all places.
Reiner had gone so deep for so long into the history of the CIA, the corruption, the Pentagon Papers, and the life of Lee Harvey Oswald. He was so anti-war he was certain JFK’s unwillingness to send troops into Vietnam is what got him killed. Not even the President of the United States could stand up to the war machine.
***
As Reiner’s car glides toward the freeway, he spots a homeless man with a small furry dog by the freeway onramp. He reaches for his wallet and pulls out a twenty.
As he rolls down his window he notices the man is Black and wearing ….a MAGA hat? He can’t believe his own eyes.
The man holds a sign that says, “Homeless vet in need of a warm place to sleep tonight, God bless you.”
Reiner stares hard at the man, “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you throw that hat in the garbage where it belongs.”
The man looks at him, confused. “Why would I want to do that,” he says. “Trump is my man. He’s taken so much crap all of these years he gives me hope that I can make it another day. If he can, I can. They’re hunting Trump, who was our president, as a criminal! That’s some bullshit.”
”No one is above the law, “says Reiner.
”Except the Bidens! Except Hillary!” The man says.
”Trump doesn’t care about you!” Reiner screams. “No Republican cares about you! Christians don’t care about you! Trump and Christians are the greatest threat this country — this world — has ever known.”
“It’s okay,” says the man. “I don’t need your money. I hope that you find what it is you’re looking for. God bless you”
”What I’m looking for?” Reiner screams again. “I’m in a $100,000 car on my way to record a top-rated podcast. I directed movies like Misery, A Few Good Men, An American President. I’m friends with Bill and Hillary Clinton. I am not the one who is lost, pal. You are the cult member. You are the Nazi. You are the enemy.”
And with that, he crinkles up the twenty, throws it at the man, rolls up the window, and speeds off. In his rearview, he watches as the man picks up the money, straightens it out carefully, and puts it in his pocket.
***
A Reflection of Reality
“What’s wrong, Rob? You’re all sweaty.” Soledad O’Brien says greeting Reiner at the studio.
“Oh nothing, just stupid people Soledad. Stupid people in a stupid country in a stupid world.”
”Well, hello to you too.”
”Let’s get this over with,” Reiner brushes past her and heads into the recording studio. He is not in the mood for chipper people.
He takes his seat in the recording booth. With the headset on, he can hear his heart pounding. Boom boom. Boom Boom.
Soledad takes her seat but keeps her eyes downcast.
“Hey, Soledad, I apologize for my brusk tone. I am having a bad day.”
“You are? Well, welcome to the world.” She smiles. “It’s all good, Rob. It’s all good. Excited to do this episode.”
Moments later, Soledad reads her bit:
“The Church Committee published its final report in April of 1976. It revealed a trove of secret abuses at the hands of the CIA, NSA, FBI and the IRS. Before and after the Cold War. These agencies were involved in global assassination conspiracies, infiltrating news programs, and conducting mind control experiments through programs like MK Ultra, the committee's revelations shocked Americans.”
Then Reiner reads his bit:
“Welcome to the counter intelligence world of James Jesus Angleton, a world he referred to as the wilderness of mirrors.
The term wilderness of mirrors points to the tactic of deception and disinformation that both the CIA and the KGB used against each other during the Cold War. It's a world where it's virtually impossible to tell what is reality and what is merely a reflection of reality. And our journey into the wilderness starts with Lee Harvey Oswald.
Reiner thought the recording went well. As he drives home, he feels not for the first time, relief. Now, the FBI, the CIA, and our government can be trusted to tell us the truth to have our best interests at heart. They were a whole different breed back in 1963. Times change. And for the better.
"Meathead, Dead from the Neck Up"
That night, Rob Reiner hits the pillow hard. Some vodka and a documentary on Trump and Hitler helps him sleep like a baby. It isn’t until after midnight that he begins to stir.
He smells something like cigar smoke. What is that? No one in his house smokes. And then, an image in the corner of the room shocks him awake. He blinks several times. Hard. Is that…No, it couldn’t be. He’s been long dead. Yet, there he is, in his favorite armchair.
“WAKEUP, Meathead. You lazy bum. GET UP. It’s time we had a talk.”
Reiner jolts out of bed and fumbles for the light.
“That light won’t work. None of the lights will work, dummy. I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past. We don’t like things shining in our eyes.”
Reiner splutters, “What the Jiminy Chrismas?”
“No, the Archie Bunker Christmas. Remember me? Remember our show? Remember what life was like before idiots like you destroyed all good things?”
“What do you want with me?”
“I’m going to take you on a little trip down memory lane, you stupid loser.”
“No, I don’t want to go!”
”You think I want to go? I was sent down here to teach you a thing or two, and I don’t like wasting my time,” he lights his cigar. “The first thing I want you to see, Rob Reiner aka Meathead, is that All in the Family was a show that brought the country together at a time of extreme division. We could all laugh together. We could share a meal. We could share a country.”
Reiner can’t see his wife in bed. They’re not even in his house anymore. Where are they?
“That was comedy. Just think about it. You belong to an elite group of people at the very top who only care about yourselves and people at the very bottom. You have abandoned the middle class. How can you tell stories for them, make them laugh, entertain them. You don’t even know them anymore!”
“What do you mean, of course I do,” Reiner says, but he knows that he doesn’t.
“Hollywood would never make All in the Family now because they couldn’t tolerate ME. They could never hear the way I talked about things and dare the audience to humanize me. I would be human garbage and you would go along with that.”
“So what you’re saying is Archie Bunker is MAGA.”
“Yeah, probably. Probably. And does anyone on television or in movies or in comedy even think to include them in the story of America except as everything that’s wrong with America? No. They push them out, they mock them, they demonize them. What the hell happened to you?”
“Hey, just because I hate Trump supporters doesn’t make me a snob. They’re a danger to the country!”
“Is this what social media has done to your brain, Rob? You don’t remember the whole point of All in the Family? Watch.”
“Imagine having that kind of courage to make a show like that. Everyone could watch and laugh at both of us. Both extremes in a room together, arguing about social issues of the day. That would never get made now and from the looks of things, they can’t tell a joke to save their lives anymore and neither can you. Because they would have to make fun of themselves and they can’t do that.”
Reiner shrugs, “Yeah so? I’m the same guy. I didn’t change. The country did when all the Archie Bunkers rose up and decided to vote for a dictator.”
“Yeah, that’s what you think, Meathead. But look at it like this. The whole thing flipped. Now you’re the Archie Bunker making excuses for the government. You’re the sellout, the company man who can’t even realize he’s making a podcast about the very thing they’re doing to half the country right now.”
“No one ever shot Trump, unfortunately,” says Reiner.
“Well, how long before someone does, and when that happens what will idiots like you do? Not spend 40 years obsessing over a government conspiracy, that’s for sure. Don’t you see that you look like a fool caring about one abuse of power but not one right in front of your face? Unfolding right now?”
“Take me home, I don’t want to do this anymore,” Reiner says, his rage starting to simmer again inside him.
“Well, you can’t look away anymore, Rob Reiner. By the end of this night, you will see what everyone else sees, that you are protecting the same kind of corruption that was exposed back in 1974. You can go to sleep if you want, but you can’t avoid the truth.”
And with that, Archie Bunker disappears, the smell of cigar smoke lingering.
Rob Reiner feels himself back in his bed, he reaches out for his wife Michele and holds her tight.
“What’s wrong, honey? Bad dream?”
“Yeah, it was a really bad dream.” He shuts his eyes tight and tries to make it all go away. But even as he drifts off to sleep, he knows something — or someone — else will wake him. It is too dark and too quiet.
Rob Reiner's Wilderness of Mirrors